So... normally I give myself a day or two before taking drastic actions or locking myself into significant decisions, to make sure I actually wanna go through with them. I've been giving this at least a week, but the feeling persists. I don't think I can ignore or dismiss it any longer. Sad to say, ZEJ isn't doing it for me anymore. I've been trying to push the feeling off in my mind and even now I'm trying to think of reasons to stay, because for a little over four and a half years now, ZEJ has been my place. It has been where I've spent my days and sunk my thoughts and aspirations and time into. It has been a source of meaning for me and it has been my community. So when the debacle from a handful of weeks ago happened, I was scared. I was terrified. I hoped against hope that the fracture wouldn't widen and take all of ZEJ, and I realized I felt so strongly because I have very little outside of this site. I have friends and mundane pasttimes apart from ZEJ, sure, but at this point in my life, ZEJ is where basically all my sense of purpose and existing prospects lie-- it is, most vitally, my target for creativity. I don't think that can work for me anymore. Productivity has never been my strong suit, and I want to change that (or at least, two of my heads do). I just don't feel like ZEJ can help with that-- and not solely because of our activity patterns, but because of the nature of a roleplaying forum, relying on other people to do part of the work and help complete the picture. I feel like I've been using that as an excuse, which won't fly anymore. Even if I or we were to become more productive, as much as roleplaying (and statplaying) align with my interests, they are not congruent with my ultimate goals. If I want to be a novelist, I should be writing stories on my own, and if I want to be a game designer, I should be learning coding and actually designing games. As much as ZEJ could serve to strengthen those muscles (and hopefully has), neither roleplaying nor statplaying are those things themselves. Those motives aside, I'd be lying if I said the community itself wasn't in some way a factor here. I'm not going to launch into a big spiel because I don't want a discussion on the subject, or an argument. I feel like it wouldn't serve any purpose, and it wouldn't change anything. Just... be excellent to each other, ZEJ. Always. I hope you continue to find meaning in what you have here-- in each other-- because I know this community has helped people over the years, and will continue to do so. Up until recently I don't think I was ever able to imagine not being part of ZEJ, but now I can't bring myself to do the opposite and imagine a continued future here. It just doesn't feel right for me, not now, not anymore. I can't say for certain I won't ever find my way back here (that statplaying thing is pretty crazy), but I don't imagine that'll be on this horizon. Before I truly leave, if @Keileon wants me to help with Akensken's exit from KeM (or @Shadow wants help with anything else for the Statistical Colosseum), I'd be happy to oblige. Unplanned character exits from roleplays was always one of my pet peeves, and while helping to write him out may not make it much less abrupt, hopefully it will help mitigate it.